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Beware the ‘volcanization’ of Punjab

Mian Saifur Rehman

P the Pygmy: Where had you gone last week?

Fair & Square: I was in quarantine.

P: Had you contracted some disease?

Fr & Sq: Yes, WWS.

P: What kind of disease is that?

Fr & Sq: Wild Writing Syndrome.

P: Are you inspired by WWF?

Fr & Sq: Anything wild appeals to me, whether positive or negative. 

P: Oh, I see! That is why you got emotional while telling the ‘Khaadime Alaa’ Punjab that his entire province stood ‘volcanized’. 

Fr & Sq: Yes, the matter is serious but no one is paying heed to it. 

P: Not even the ‘Khaadime Alaa’ Punjab?

Fr & Sq: He admitted the seriousness of the situation but considered it an extremely difficult task. 

P: What in fact is the problem?

Fr & Sq: Amassing of most lethal weapons in the provincial metropolis and other cities which have virtually turned into ‘volcanoes’ that can erupt any moment.

P: Horrible! What is the count?

Fr & Sq: For decades, hundreds of thousands of illegal weapons are in the possession of people from different areas, walks of life and schools of thought. These hard nuts consider allegiance to law an act of cowardice or even a vice. 

P: What was the reply given by ‘Khaadime Alaa’?

Fr & Sq: The answer was three-pronged. One, that in order to check the inflow of arms from northwestern region, the cooperation of Centre and other agencies was required.


Fr & Sq: That the task was uphill but it was essentially a matter of implementation.

P: And the third?

Fr & Sq: That sudden, prompt crackdown on some people with a peculiar ethnic identity would trigger bitter conflicts between Punjabis and non-Punjabis.

P: What does that mean?

Fr & Sq: That nothing so rapid can be done to arrest this dormant but highly eruptive wave of violence. 

P: But isn’t the establishment of Nigraan (supervisory) Police Committees a good step towards checking the rising tide of crime and violence?

Fr & Sq: It can work provided the institution of SHO is restructured with public participation to do preventive policing.

P: The said committees will also include public representatives. 

Fr & Sq: Then, there is no justification in losing hope.

P: Sure! But tell me doesn’t all that mess on our holy soil owe to ‘Khadime Ala of the world’?

Fr & Sq: Make your point clear.

P: I am referring to the United States of America.

Fr & Sq: But there should be some difference between a servant of the masses and a nose-poker. 

P: Whatever the differences of their missions, both are in the spotlight. 

Fr & Sq: Being in the spotlight is not the question.

P: It certainly is otherwise why our analysts, politicians and other leading lights always put the blame for all our failures on the US.

Fr & Sq: It is because the US leaders have been poking their nose in others’ affairs in every nook and corner of the world.

P: But we some times treat the US as some omniscient and omnipotent power (God Forbid).

Fr & Sq: Aren’t you inviting the wrath of Lord?

P: Not I but all those sane anchorpersons and intellectuals are inviting Lord’s wrath who consider the US not only as a foreseer of events yet to take shape but also as a master of destinies of the entire world.

Fr & Sq: What rubbish? The US has committed many blunders and also suffered failures like, for instance, in Vietnam etc.

P: Now you got my point. I was in fact trying to tell the same thing: that US is as much fallible as any other nation. So there is no reason to consider it the wisest or the sole decider of our fates. 

Fr & Sq: Yes, I think we better shape our destinies without going into this silly debate.

P: Thanks for showing sanity.

Fr & Sq: Now you show sanity by giving serious thought to a new idea.

P: What is that?

Fr & Sq: The title is ‘(Dis) United States of Pakistan’: Taliban state, Swat State, NW (North Waziristan) state, SW state, Punjab state, Balochistan, gun-and-explosive ‘free trade state’, suicide jackets manufacturing and training state, and what not.

P: It smacks of sedition and nothing else. 

Fr & Sq: Have you heard a journalist attributing our sorry state of affairs (over-Talibanization etc) to one-time US-USSR understanding on division of this region’s oil resources?

P: But what has that ‘Oily’ understanding between global powers to do with the public flogging of clean-shave men and innocent womenfolk, bombing of schools, killing of Muslims by Muslims, whimsical declaration of Jihad and attacks on funerals and holy places?

Fr & Sq: Now you answer one question.

P: Sure!

Fr & Sq: What is the difference between strategic thinking by security experts and thinking by think tanks?

P: Thinking has nothing to do with things strategic, strategic. 

PUN OF THE DAY: Pepco chief is ‘ex-officio’ Prince of Darkness. How would you rate Mian Shahbaz Sharif? Ans: Prince of Fastness. saifee2010@gmail.com

The News: Friday, May 15, 2009